Hardwired…To Self-Destruct

New Metallica Album is going to be released on August 18, 2016. I can’t wait 😉

All throughout Metallica’s career there was only one theme: Mind Control and the ultimate in vanity. Sometimes, they sing from the “psychiatrists” (“Master of Puppets”) perspective, most of the time from victim’s. I wrote to Metallica a couple of times and I will do it again. Of course, no-one is allowed to publicly admit what are these songs all about. Oh, that “psychiatrists” code 😉

I don’t write this for most of the people who call themselves “TI’s” these days, and who are saying things like: “I’ve been hit by DEW laser from space, my pet is being hit too. These “perps” monsters who are ex CIA or FBI are Satan followers…” I mean I don’t mean disrespect to anyone but seams to me that most “TI’s” are retired elderly Women with much spare time at their hands. Everyone is allowed to say and believe whatever they want, it’s the freedom of speech and I’m exercising it also. People in a situation like mine very seldom get to live to old age. My goal is to hit 60 if possible and I want every moment to count.

Back to: “Hardwired…To Self-Destruct”. Promising title. Unfortunately I know exactly what they mean. It’s hardwired literary, with electrodes, brain interface, body implants, batteries… To Self-Destruct is also literal and I’ve been there. To have a non-stop internal dialog and miss a couple of nights sleep while hearing “voices” for a someone in this situation usually leads to a devil’s playground. Strong will and self control are crucial in this situation. In time things usually get better but life won’t wait for you my friend.

Here is:

Metallica: Hardwired (Official Music Video)

[Verse 1]
In the name of desperation
In the name of wretched pain
In the name of all creation
Gone insane

We’re so fucked
Shit outta luck
Hardwired to self-destruct

[Verse 2]
On the way to paranoia
On the crooked borderline
On the way to great destroyer
Doom design

We’re so fucked
Shit outta luck
Hardwired to self-destruct

[Verse 3]
Once upon a planet burning
Once upon a flame
Once upon a fear returning
All in vain
Do you feel that hope is fading?
Do you comprehend?
Do you feel it terminating?
In the end

We’re so fucked
Shit outta luck
Hardwired to self-destruct
Hardwired to self-destruct


Welcome home (Sanitarium)

You know, if they wanted locked they would have done it a long time ago. In fact there were 3 times when I turned myself voluntary into mental Hospital. Last time some 5 years ago when I got a YIN-YANG tattoo on my wrist. In each case because of the chronic lack of sleep and constant unstoppable inner dialog and them inside my head and I’m not saying it for kicks like most of the people who call themselves TI’s these days. I used to roam my Town in the middle of the night and spending time in a noise basement Casino trying to mask myself and them inside of my head. I was going to work exhausted and each time I knew I could not keep that forever. My goal was to keep my job and not do anything stupid so I’d take a couple a days of sick leave and see how it goes. If it hadn’t been well I’d turn myself into mental Hospital usually in the middle of the night. Last time when I got a YIN-YANG tattoo American asshole “Master Shitter” I call him told me to go to the bridge and jump and if I turn myself in to the Hospital they will torture me. Asshole didn’t want to play anymore, waste his life on me. Luckily I didn’t listen to him. I came to a mental Hospital, as usual in the middle of the night and they made me wait in the waiting room for more then hour listening the war inside of my head. I remember, there was also a guy who tried to turn himself in and acting like a complete wacko like you see in the movies. Suddenly the guy sat near me and not looking at me calmly said: “Pull yourself together. Be tough.” I calmed down a bit, there are people on my side. The guy was a big “psychiatrist” playing the role of mental patient. Finally the shrink came and ask me why do I want to turn myself in. I said to him: “They are screwing me with brain interface and don’t let me sleep. I want to keep my job.” OK, he said, but this is your last time because if you don’t take your medicine next time we will refuse to take you in. I said OK.

Inside I pulled my self together after a couple of days. They were all listening to my non-stop internal dialog. I played chess with them some said: “See, it can be done”. After a couple of weeks I was regenerated and went back to work. Everybody seam to be friendly with me. Funny thing was, the Hospital wanted me to pay them money for spending some time inside LOL. I said: I ain’t paying shit, without your buddy’s and a brain interface I wouldn’t be here in a first place. I never payed them a dime. When leaving the Hospital I had a talked with shrink and told him that I don’t want to take pills because it’s bad for my digestion, he said OK, there is new drug which you can take only once a moth as an injection shot at your family doctor and it costs about 200 $ in US currency per shoot but you can get it for free. I said OK, it doesn’t sound so bad, once a month, everything is done via brain interface anyway, so I agreed. I’ve been taking it ever since. I feel good right now and optimistically looking into future. They even promoted me to a Information security Officer at my company. Doesn’t look bad for a schizophrenic 😉 My time is yet to come. They never know when will I stop using the drug or when the needles and pins inside my body will turn from shine to rust, to be poetic. Meanwhile, my revenge is to tell the World and everybody.

You, you’re smothered in tragedy And you’re out to save the world?

Shrinks would say this is an illusion of greatness and I have no illusion. I consider myself a “King Nothing” at least so far. I fight calmly and within the law. I don’t want to give “psychiatrists” in my head any reason to declare me a threat to the society and lock me up somewhere. I choose to live and see what happens. Just, my situation got me thinking about the future of man kind and what I’m telling about openly is the biggest public secret. Is the brain interface the future of man kind and some 50 years in the future everyone would have it? I mean “psychiatrists” can hear my inside dialog real time in their head or with headphones. Do those around me have some receiver in their ears or they have it implanted in their heads like I do? So many unanswered questions. I guess they could do this 50 years ago already. What do they have right now? Right now should be possible to communicate via brain interface with someone on the other side of the globe via the Internet. They can probably broadcast even what I see to the other side of the World. What will they have 50 years from now is unimaginable. Are they planning to build some king of network (Matrix) and try to connect all people? I know I should avoid shows like South Park because I don’t want to have all this sick staff inside of my head, and you should also, but there was an episode where Cartman acquires a new social media device called Shitter, which is being advertised on TV by Alec Baldwin. The device broadcasts a user’s thoughts audibly and sends them directly to the Internet without the use of a phone. Cartman decides to use this device while infiltrating the NSA in order to broadcast his thoughts to the Internet. Not far away from the truth I’m living.


Stay away from sick shows like South Park as far as possible. “Psychiatrists” might trick you into watching shows like that – Do not do it. I told you what is the plot of that particular episode and that should be enough. Your brain might still be a gelatin and you don’t want that sick staff in your head.



If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles

Who is the enemy in this game? Saying that the enemy are hidden “psychiatrists” would be like saying that the enemy is the entire World (read: Human race). That would be foolish. In my case obviously the enemy are people who pose as my relatives and family when the fact is I’m not blood related to any of them. They all have the “psychiatrists” right and I obviously don’t. Right now I don’t care what kind of tragedy might have happened with my real family (they actually told me when I was 31 so I would screw myself, I can’t verify anything), that’s all in the past and I want it to stay in the past. But I know that those who were closest to me when I was a kid (fake family) had the power to protect me but didn’t. They put me through psycho surgery instead and that made them my enemy. I didn’t do absolutely nothing as a kid but they did it anyway. From that time their job was to set me up and justify their actions. They looked through my eyes literary on the screen and fully controlled my sexuality since I was 9 years old. I remember now when I was about 24 years old and still in College, all the porn my fake father brought suddenly disappeared. The apartment where we lived was full of porn since I was 9 years old. Looking at it now, it looks like somebody else joined the game, like big boys started to look what I see and hear my internal dialog. Looks like I got some American guy who was obviously experienced “Master of Puppets” (I like to call him Master Shittert hese days). This was very strange because I live in Europe in a non-English speaking Country (I realize that it was an American software they hooked me up with but this was actually a real guy who spoke to me in English via brain interface later). As I learned later when they wanted me to visit a shrink and take psych drugs which of course I refused at the time, me refusing was maybe a mistake, maybe someone wanted to save me from what happened when I was 31. I guess to break this curse a ritual is due. A ritual like no other, a ritual that I don’t want anyone to experience. I learned that the hard way. My fake family and relatives were a little bit scared that I might actually win and get my rights back, but it was just an illusion, nobody can win this, I was unprepared, and I did badly, I fought it as much as I could but this was the game I couldn’t win. I stayed alive but ended up broken and brain scarred. A year later somehow I pulled my self together (luckily my brain heals naturally) got a job and stayed on that job for 11 years now. I guess now, I’m the real veteran of 1000’s psychic wars. I adapted to the situation and doing well right now but the game is still going on. I’m stronger now. I have many people on my side. I’m suing my Country for allowing this. Expecting nothing, I just want to see what happens.

I wrote about it on http://www.madminster.net

But I think that I will move that site here to my blog, because my audience is so remotely small there is no point of paying for the domain name and hosting.

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
Sun Tzu, The Art of War